02/06/2014 Thursday – what do I want to do with my life?

1:30AM

I actually tried to go to sleep early today/yesterday. But after nearly 30 minutes of sitting in bed wide awake the “life reflecting thoughts” one usually gets when trying to fall asleep were starting to drive me nuts… so I jumped out of bed and made another mid night run to the nearby 7-Eleven.

2:00AM

I spent 175 TWD (roughly $6.00) on a bowl of oden, two bags of reheated popcorn chicken, and a yogurt green tea drink (650ml) and ate as I sat in front of my computer trying to type out today’s journal entry.

I’m 23 years old going onto 24. It’s been over 5 years now since I left high school. I don’t know how much longer it will take for me get my bachelor’s degree after dropping out getting kicked (hah I’ve told this lie so many times now that I’ve almost forgotten what the truth was) out of university 2 years? ago. I don’t have a steady job either despite working at various part time jobs all this time. I mean sure I’ve been accepted into Kwantlen and I’m fairly confident if I “work hard enough” I can get back on track… but the problem here I’m not sure what I’d be “working hard” towards.

What do I want to do with my life? What is my dream? What do I want to do so that I can die with no regrets? Maybe I should just focus on finding a girlfriend who loves me and spend my life making sure she is happy. Out of all the options and ideas that have crossed my mind through all the hours spent simply “thinking” this week… that has been the most plausible option for how I’d like to live out my life. I don’t care if this may be influenced by the fact that I watch way too much anime.

That said l __ l I’m pretty sure it’s IMPOSSIBLE to find a girlfriend as an individual who 1) doesn’t have a steady job 2) doesn’t have a degree and 3) doesn’t have any regular routine social activates aside from playing mmorpgs and talking on twitter. I should go back to school. I should focus taking courses that I’m sure I will find interesting and enjoy. I should use this opportunity to connect with people who share my same interests. Who knows maybe where along the line I may find that special someone.

I feel like I’m interviewing myself / trying to teach myself something by writing all of this.

2:30AM

Decided I might as well go play some Skyrim. I’m curious how far I’ll get this time with this character (her name is Kaya) before I get bored and make another one.

ScreenShot3

I didn’t get very far in Skyrim l __ l barely managed to kill the first dragon and still haven’t reported back to Balgruuf yet. I spent way too much time smithing and talking to random people along the way.

6:30AM

Spent another hour or two (wasn’t really keeping track) and converted select songs from .FLAC to .M4A Apple Lossless for my ipod. Quite pleased with the result. I managed to fill up the whole 16GB save around 100MB with songs ONLY songs that I like. Now maybe with this set up I’ll be more motivated to go on morning jobs in future… and therefore more willing to go to sleep / wake up earlier heh.

Screenshot (62)

1:00PM

I decided to publish my journal on facebook and twitter today. I hope I can continue to write to myself honestly whilst fully acknowledging the fact that all of this is on the internet. I want to express my thoughts as unfiltered as possible but now I will need to show some more restraint as to not get arrested since I do live in Canada after all… if you know what I mean.

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2 thoughts on “02/06/2014 Thursday – what do I want to do with my life?

  1. It’s not impossible to be a nerd and maintain a love life as well. You just need to find someone who is willing to go out with one. Only problem with this theory is that you will probably run into fujoshi people with peculiar characteristics that are far from what you would envision as romantic life. That is, either they are not interested in the process of dating, or they are interested in something more… physical (no, I’m not talking about sex). So yeah, if you want to stay who you are, it is going to be a tough road ahead.

    Also, the “I want to devote my entire life to make my girl happy” line of thought is NG. It is good that you want to devote, but one wrong move and you will have every single penny sucked out of your wallet. And piggy bank.

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